Facebook, Bubble Wrap and Some Gut Honesty

Facebook. I never dreamed it would become such a crutch in my life.

It can be so useful and helpful... keeping in touch with dormmates and roommates (not to mention extended family) across the globe. Who is getting married... who is having a baby... who is trudging through a rough time... what God is doing... a funny from a little boy... praying for those weeping over a loss... a little girl and her pretty dress... all of these are amazing effects of an amazing bit of technology.

But how did it come to replace true friendships.

I find myself feeling the ache. Missing the camaraderie of a phone call... hearing the person's voice. I now have to settle for seeing words on a screen.

Gut honesty? I compulsively check who liked my status, feeling better about my day the more people there are. Silly, huh? Yeah and slightly pathetic.

I don't want to sound needy. No one really wants a friend long term who sucks the life right out of you with complaints and "tears on the shoulder" all the time. A friend listens and asks and doesn't thoughtlessly pour out, but what do you do when you feel like the seams that hold you together just won't take one more day of stuffing it all in.

I have fought the looping tape in my head that says I'm just not worth friendship and tried to count gifts in the ugly moments. Snowflakes swirling outside when the kids are swirling inside on a snow day. The giggle of a little boy, tickling his tummy, cradling him as his eyes close... even when nothing (absolutely nothing) got checked off on my list.

I want to believe that I'm okay with who I am and what I do everyday, but that horrid four letter word aims for my heart, FAIL, it labels me. Over and over.

I fight that too. I used to believe it because it seemed logical, but once I began to recite the Truth over and over - I could see it for what it was: a lie. Failing is something that I do. Sometimes. It is not who I am.

The Truth? I am loved. I am made new. My ugly old self who loves to control is gone and He has given me grace. I deserved none of it! That's why it's Grace. 

If I could, I would bubble wrap my heart with grace so I would never forget what it feels like and how God sees me. Completely covered in His perfection.

My crazy children don't allow me to simply be still and reflect often but that's what I must do all the time - somehow.

I have to see grace covering every little thing... even the ugly. Even Facebook. It is grace to me. But it is not a substitute for "feeling good about myself" in other people's eyes.

The only Person who I must see myself through is Jesus.

The culmination of this begs one very important question: Whatcha gon do 'bout it?

The last few weeks, I've tossed around an idea that will help my heart see and feel the grace that I know is there. It may seem legalistic to some but that's okay. :)  I know God is asking this of me.

I will spend time looking through His eyes first before I spend any time seeing through anyone else's. No Facebook (or Pintrest or anything else) until I sit myself down at His feet and am reminded of who I am: a daughter of the King of Kings covered in His rich robes of grace.

As I put one foot forward in this dance, thank you for this little space and for honesty. :)

Friendships

That was the theme at the Harvest Bible Chapel’s Women’s Retreat last weekend.  Amy Baker, counselor at Faith Biblical Counseling Center in Lafayette, IN, challenged us to look objectively at our friendships and discern our motives.

View from the porch of our condo at Gull Lake

She described the following Friendship Orientations. For most of us this weekend, we began to fall into either Approval or Control Oriented.

Approval Oriented                   
Control Oriented

Protection Oriented                 
Rightness Oriented

Pleasure Oriented                    
Comfort Oriented          

Prestige Oriented

I began to ask myself…

Do these things categorize me and my relationships??

More importantly, what am I willing to sacrifice in order to attain them?

Do I want to be accepted?

Do I want to be in control?

Do I want to protect myself?

Do I want to be the standard of what is right?

Do I want to be entertained?

Do I want comfort and ease?

Do I want to be part of the in-group?

I think, in part, I want all of those things… but how much of those things are simply part of us as humans?

How many times do I sacrifice transparency and genuineness so I can be accepted, in control, avoid hurt, be right, entertained, comfortable, or be in the in-group?

Do I value approval, control, protection, being right, entertainment, comfort, and being popular more than what God says about those things? 

Taking up my cross and doing radical hard things will take away my control, will make me stand out, may cause me to be hurt, will definitely make me uncomfortable, and I probably won’t have the in-group’s approval.

Am I willing to go that far?  Is Jesus worth it?

If it costs my life and the life of my family, will following Jesus be worth THAT?   
Yes. Yes! YES!!

If you are not a follower of Jesus
but you’re considering it, count the cost.

Because it WILL cost you.  Everything.  Even friendships.

Your life will never be the same because He will radically transform you.

Do not follow Christ blindly – know the cost.

His demands are high – and rightly so.  He died.  For you.

You owe Him every breath for all of eternity. Every moment belongs to Him.

For those of you who follow Jesus, LIVE like you do.

Sunrise Saturday Morning!

Every word, every action, every thought, every single moment is observed and cared about by the Sovereign God who paid your debt.  Your moments are also observed by those around you who are their own masters - who do what is right in their own eyes. 

We are to be different because we have been bought with a price.

This weekend, I was challenged by Luke 6:39-46.

What am I using my time for?

Who am I following?

Am I taking my own log out?

What kind of fruit do I have?

What kind of treasure is coming out of my mouth?

Bottom Line: Is your life, my life different?  What needs to change?

19 years and still going strong!

I thank God for good friends!
Friends who hear with their heart, not just their ears.
Friends who love you enough to pray and listen.

Even though my dear friend is 1,000 miles away, our conversations never lag as we simply pick up where we left off. :)  I love that about her!

I love how my humor always strikes her as simply hilarious (even when it's rather lame!).

We somehow know what to not say when the other feels that God forgot about her.

I treasure the fact that we sometimes are simply silent on the phone - and it's okay.

We have changed tremendously in the 19 years we've known each other: the trials of waiting for God's guy, getting married, moving to different states, becoming moms to 6 kids collectively - 5 boys and 1 girl, the struggles of married life and continuously waiting on God as He does things in His time. And discovering through it all that He is unbelievably good and faithful in everything He does - despite our feelings.

God has seen fit to allow us to learn from each other -
even about things/ideas that could've been touchy landmines.

We've come to respect each others growth and love past differences.

God has given me many gifts today, however,
I'm thanking Him especially for Elisabeth Mohler Montez!