Saturday, January 28, 2012

Warning: Rant Enclosed

I just don't get it. I really don't understand single Christian guys.

I'm rather peeved - if I'm honest.

My beautiful sister is 32 and single.

She is the opposite of me in many ways... not the least of which is her sense of adventure and craziness. She's the ideal Jr High leader - right down to her delight of TPing kids and other leaders houses! Her trunk would typically have 4 pkgs of toilet paper ready to do the deed! :)  I've never been TPing or forking or whatever it is now. I'm too afraid of getting caught - and it would be MY luck to be the one caught in the act.

She loves to go out dancing and have a great time! Whereas me?  I'm up for a night in reading a good book.

Her hair is thick and curly - mine isn't. In fact, it's as straight as straight hay hair can get!  And about as hard to curl too. :)

She is a fitness nut and loves to workout 2 hours a night. I'm doing really good to workout 3 days a week.

She's quite an extrovert and has a plethora of friends. I'm rather an introvert with a few close friends.

It has taken some very hard circumstances for me to see and accept her for who she is - and vice versa - and I love her more than I could've imagined!!

I'm very defensive of her and it breaks my heart to see the caliber of "Christian" guys out there - even ones that go to her church. She loves her pastor and the preaching is solid... however the guys are most definitely not.

I'm not talking stuff like "they don't open doors for a woman" or "they still live at home". I'm referring to the fact that she won't sleep with them on the 3rd date - that in fact it's a deal-breaker for them. There is a pervasive mindset that says you gotta test drive the car before you buy. She confronts them (and with authority, I might add!) with what God's Word says about sex outside of marriage. They just shrug and don't care.

In the meantime, she recovers and struggles to believe that there is indeed a guy out there who is made for her and she for him. She most often has to deny that fact to keep herself going.

So, now that you've got the scene... let me turn to "those guys". 

You know who you are. Your talk and walk don't jive, man. You claim Christ yet you live like His Words don't matter. You create ground zero in every relationship you go into because after you leave - for whatever reason - that woman will never trust another man in that way again. A little of her heart is broken off and it will be an act of God for her to genuinely trust a man to have her good interest at heart.

If for some reason, you have been married before - that doesn't put you out of the running, however, not being man enough to decide to move ahead in the relationship DOES put you in the loser column with a capital L. Here's a couple rocks, my friend... until you can grow a pair.

Maybe your dad was a horrible example of what a real man does. Get your rear in a Men's Group at your church and buckle down and learn from a man who loves God, loves his wife, and loves his family - in that order.

Give up dating and run HARD after God - and ONLY Him. When you're running after Him for awhile, you'll begin to notice the beautiful examples of fellow runners going in the same direction with you. When you do, don't you DARE attempt a relationship with any of them until you consult God. You're running after HIM - remember???  When God gives you peace about continuing, do so, but be ready to be the man. Treat her with respect. Don't tromp on her heart. Protect her. Don't manipulate her. Don't tell her that you "love" her until you have a ring to prove it. Don't make promises that you can't keep.

Before you write me off as a crazy woman because what I'm telling you is too hard and only an insane man would even think of doing it, I have proof that this is possible - not only possible but it happened!

My amazing man did all that for me. He was man enough to step up and protect me. He did not tell me that he loved me until he proposed. Love isn't something you have to say for the person to know. It is obvious to any observer. He knew my answer before he even asked the question!

Are YOU man enough?? 


  1. Ruth - Thanks for this post. It's so true. Good guys sincere in their Christianity, living out their faith are so few and far between. The best thing you can do for your sister - and I wish more people did this for me - is to just let her know that she's prayed for regularly for marriage. Specifically that she will meet the right guy at the right time. There are good guys out there. I believe that with all my heart.
    And practically, just to be on the look out for good guys to introduce her to. (Not set up with - there's a difference!)
    I'd love to meet your sister some day. She sounds great! I will add her to my prayer list!

    1. Thanks Kortni! Hopefully I'll be able to introduce you to her soon. There's a possibility of an opening at Spring Hill she's looking into. I'm praying HARD about that!! I will add you to my list as well. God is not deaf and He is faithful! Love you girl!

  2. LOVE this post! I am going to share.

  3. Ruth - Thanks for your post. Your sister sounds a lot like my beautiful 32 year-old daughter, with one exception. She has been almost totally ignored her whole life by single Christian guys. She has a number of them who are friends, but has had very few ask her out. Nobody who knows her well can figure it out. She's beautiful, talented, intelligent, compassionate,and completely sold-out to the Lord Jesus. Are Christian guys afraid of Christian women who are following the Lord's leading? Or what?!

  4. That is such a hard place to be. My guess is that she's rather intimidating to guys who know they don't cut it in certain areas they ought to. Keep encouraging her to pursue Christ! It can feel that somehow you're "aiming too high" and you need to fish for what's out there. But the goal in life is not to be married... the goal is to live in obedience to Christ. Remind her she's gorgeous in His eyes and everyone else's doesn't matter! :)