I could feel a coldness that had nothing to do with the thermostat. From the moment we entered the office, it was a stiff and sterile white place. But it was more than just a color vibe. We both felt it. The place you find out the worst news and go have your problem “dealt with”.
We were ushered into the Genetic Counselor’s office where she asked us every possible question – and I mean every. When I thought my pregnant brain could stand no more, she said we were finished and we found ourselves back in the waiting room. A woman in a lab coat appeared and said she was the ultrasound tech and to follow her.
As I was prepped for the ultrasound, I was relieved to at least know this process well and began to relax.
Right up until the tech began making comments.
Things like “Are you sure your dates are right?” and “You really tested negative for gestational diabetes?” I did my best to keep my sarcasm under control, but I wanted to say something to the effect of “Listen sweetheart. I know that I know that I know my dates are right. I know my body. I can give you the date of my exam and the exact date of my missed period. Any questions?! Good.” But I let it come out more of a joke that yes I most assuredly knew my dates and haha wasn’t it funny to find out I’m pregnant right after my yearly exam.
After the tech was finished, we waited for what seemed like an eternity until the doctor came in. She drew in colorful diagrams on a white board how our son has these foreign sounding diagnoses because of his brain and that he might not be able to run or play football and that he would likely have developmental if not mental delays. And have you considered all your ‘options’?
When she asked us that question, the fog of medical terms cleared as I let her know in no uncertain terms that our only ‘option’ was to welcome this baby into our family. My body was shaking with barely controlled rage that someone would dare ask me if I wanted to get rid of our child who may not be perfect and may have special needs.
Today, January 22, 2013, is the 40th anniversary of Roe vs Wade. It is also his fourth birthday.
He is the life of our family. He runs and plays, drives his trucks, plays with Legos, pretends with his two siblings and loves to wrap his little arms around my neck and remind me that he loves me. So much.
God has truly given us a gift as his name says.
Jonathan Michael, I pray that you will always sing “My God is so big, so strong and so mighty! There is nothing my God cannot do!”