It's been quite a while since I've sat down and began intentionally lining up letters to make words to make sentences and to piece together some of my scattered ragged thoughts.
My writing lately looks like a few sentences here and there copy/pasted into a handy app called Werdsmith. :) It stores my bits and pieces until I can take one of them and stretch it into a complete thought... and yes, it's an app, which means my husband has completely Mac'd me. He gave me an iPad for Christmas with a keyboard case and I couldn't be more thrilled!! The test came when my Dell laptop came back from being cleaned up and reimaged... and I tried to use it. Before I realized it, I was tapping the screen seriously irritated! I wasn't sure if I would ever get the hang of thinking in Mac-land but lo and behold... wonders never cease!
I guess you might say I get a bit more retrospective when my children's birthdays roll around but even more so with Jonny's birthday. January 22nd will be his "whole hand" birthday! (Turning 5 is the current highlight of his life!)
One of the habits I'm choosing to make this year (I detest resolutions. I don't need to resolve anything! I need a revolution!!!) is one of daily being in that soul-reviving Living Word drinking deep so my thirst is quenched by Him and no other. There is a white board on our back door Family Center with Jesus' response to the woman at the well... (tUrV - the Uninspired ruth Version) You've tried so many other things to satisfy that deep down driving desire... I'm right here! What are you waiting for?! If you come and drink deep of ME, your driving desire will be met. I am the LIVING Word. Everything will change when you saturate yourself in only Me.
So I found my dear One Year Bible stuck on a shelf and have been keeping mostly on track and when days pile up, I'm learning to simply read a bit more and go on. :) No guilt.
So, this day, I sat down with a cup of coffee to read and a little man followed me wanting to sit next to me. As a mom, my emotions were mixed. I wanted to snuggle him and hold him close but I also just. wanted. to. read. without. being. touched. So, I explained to him that Mommy wanted to sit and listen to Jesus talk to her and read His words. If you want to get your VeggieTale Bible, you may quietly sit next to mommy, but there is no talking right now. We are listening to Jesus talk to us.
That sounds all great and fine, but when rubber says "hiya" to the road of reality, what really holds?! I was shocked, actually.
He is quietly sitting next to me, Bob and Larry staring at him as he turns the pages silently. I am reading and listening to the Voice of Life... and the next blessed thing I hear is this rather loud stage whisper: "Do not fear, for I am with you!"... "Do not fear, for I am with you!"
I didn't know whether I should laugh, cry or hug him while I laughed and cried! He looked up at me and said "I'm saying my verse from school, Mommy. They are Jesus' Words. Right, Mommy?"
Oh sweet little boy, they are Jesus' words! Those are the very words I was praying over and over "a whole hand" of years ago before I'd even met you. Then remembering those words as you were carted away from us for testing... and trying desperately to hear them while walking through the Trial by Potty Training. I can say... it is TRUE! Even in the darkness of the never-ending battle of potty-training, He is with me and I will not fear.
While I am somewhat known for a deep enjoyment of good sarcasm, there is none in that last paragraph.
Truth-moment? Potty training this boy was a deep dark time for me. I was staring into another year of *just* him and me at home purely because he REFUSED to do what he needed to on that toilet. Lots of dark thoughts flitted through but I knew ( k n e w )deep down that God doesn't ever make mistakes. It wasn't the easy choice or thought to grasp, but Truth rarely is.
That moment, that stage-whisper, those precious words said by the little boy who still surprises me... when his big brother was disappointed about not joining the "Glasses Club" of which the rest of the family is a life-long member, he patted his leg and said consolingly, "It's okay, Michael. Jesus conquered the grave. It will be okay!"... these (and many others) are evidences of my Father who will not let me go whatever the darkness or exhilaration because He. Loves. Me.
Did you get that? Because it's true of YOU, my friend.
He. Loves. You. :) Even in the rain. Look up and smile because you bring Him joy.
Splash in those puddles! Laugh hysterically because you have nothing to fear!
He truly has conquered the grave. :)