The Every Day V-Day

It's 4pm and I'm well aware that within 10 minutes the quiet in the house will be replaced with jostling story-telling children leaving wet boots, snowpants and all manner of miscellaneous accoutrements all over the used-to-be-clean mud room floor. They will be competing with each other to tell me the latest and most amazing parts of their day (or tattling on each other) and in doing so, I guarantee that a fist-fight will almost break out in their haste to beat the other to the best parts of their day.

I know this will happen. It always does - in a Groundhog Day sort of way. No matter how many times I sit them each down and give them separate time to talk to me, they feel they've got to push their way to the front and be first. 

So the best part of my day comes when I see my tall man fill the back entry. The cavalry has arrived! He wraps me in his giant hug and I'm taken back to our 3 months of dating. He gave me a hug every time he came to pick me up to bring me back to Michigan. His soft flannel shirts and his musky deodorant and Dove soap combined to sear my memory with the smell of "home". He is and will always be my home. Even though, I'm physically standing in our house with our three little people clamoring for our attention (at that very second trying to push us apart as we stand together)... I am satisfied knowing my best friend is with me so I am home. 

With tomorrow being V-day, this love and marriage stuff is on my mind. I've come to the conclusion that Valentine's Day is quite honestly a horrible day. I know, I know, I can almost see your fist full of candy hearts ready to toss at me... but hear me out. 

It sets up husbands with unrealistic expectations. Then it gives wives a rotten rollercoaster ride. Is he gonna remember what day it is?? Maybe! Maybe he's got a secret getaway planned for us!! Then she tells herself that whatever happens will be fine. But she knows it really won't be. On the flip side for the hubbys, it almost gives them a get-out-of-jail-free card. If they can nail a seriously romantic Valentine's Day, they've got brownie points saved up for a rainy day. Who cares about doing the stuff around the house she needs done every day: help with homework while she gets dinner ready, connect and listen to the kids when a game is on, wrestle with those crazy balls of energy when the Xbox is calling his name... why bother?! "She's good because I took her out and wow'd her."

The Every Day Valentine's Day is completely lost with that kind of idea and obligatory compulsion we place on our men. 

What is the Every Day V-day, you ask?! Let me tell you! 

It's the man who puts in a couple loads of laundry just because. He makes sure my van has good safe tires and is properly maintained. He even cleans a toilet or two. He takes care of his mom by starting her car just before she leaves so she can get in a warm vehicle. He bathes the three dirty monsters while I finish cleaning up after dinner. He always finishes whatever project/work stuff he's got going by 9pm so we can sit together and talk. That same man will give a "hog back ride" to all who wish one on their way to bed. (We don't have a piggy in our house; we have a hog. When Jonny was little, he'd stand at the top of the stairs and holler "Hey HOG!" so he could get his ride!)  He makes the best coffee every. blessed. morning! He listens to me. Even when I don't make sense. He encourages me to enjoy the moment and laugh in the crazy. He prays with each child every night and tells them a story or sings them a silly song from his imagination. He makes sure my debit card has enough for our needs. He gets excited over my good deals. It is the simple. The daily. 

As all marriages can attest, sometimes it doesn't 'feel' romantic and all that jazz. But it's not just candlelight and roses and quiet dinners that rates (or should rate) on the romantic scale but doing life together... diapers, laundry, work, frustrations, kids, family, love, honesty. That's true romance. 

It's hard work to be intentional; not allowing electronics and time to creep up on you but creating that space for talk. Date nights out don't happen every month like I would prefer, but we have time every single night that we sit together and talk. We talk about life outside of kids and we talk about kids: Can you believe the House raised the debt ceiling?! Did I tell you what Jonny said?? (He was frustrated with something and said,"oBAMA!" Then looked up at me and said, "That's a bad word isn't it, Mommy?" He thinks anything you say in frustration is a bad word. By that point, I was laughing so hard!!!!) Crazy what damage a sinkhole can do when it's under the National Corvette Museum! What IS Billy Ray Cyrus thinking bringing back that insane song Miley style?! Yeesh! I tell him about the Common Core curriculum and Matt Walsh's blog... and all the crazy FB thread comments and we land with thankfulness for our wonderful ZPS and West Michigan bubble. 

Sometimes it is simply laughing; inside jokes and sideways glances and even body noises! He has always said you have to be able to laugh when your spouse lets one rip. :) At dinner, it starts with one of the kids (usually Jonny the Ham) doing/saying something bizarre and then I find myself laughing. They keep laughing so I laugh harder until it's just one big Laugh Fest! Laughter truly keeps balance in the middle of a dinner with particular palates and a frustrated cook. 

One of my favorite things in the whole world is looking across the table at my best friend and catching his eye knowing we're in this together. Absolutely nothing beats it! No romantic weekend (however nice) beats out the day to day shoulder-to-shoulder blood sweat and tears of life together. We have each other's back and that's a good start to our future. 

So, let's take Valentine's Day off *our* calendar and remember the Every Day V-day. :) 

It's better for your marriage! 

Four-Eyed Dog Face

She was lost in her own world. She could hear the noisy chatter of the other kids in the hallway but only as through water. It didn’t matter to her that Tasia was tossing a lunchbox over her head or that Marcus was whispering behind his hand. She was just about to depart on a fantastic journey into her vivid imagination when her ears picked up that dreaded name that had somehow become synonymous with her own. She hated it. She wanted to disappear and never be seen again.
Why did having glasses and a name you could bark mean that it had to redefine your existence as a 5th grader? “Four-eyed Dog-Face” was certainly not written on her birth certificate.
She figured it was some kind of payback for gym class.
The teacher was preparing them for the annual field day at the local college. As they formed two parallel lines to compete in the 50yd dash, she just hoped she wouldn’t trip and make a fool of herself in front of the entire class. In a flash, she realized not only was she at the front of the line with the teacher about to blow the whistle, but Marcus was her opponent. Marcus, the fastest boy in the class and quite possibly the meanest, would not let her forget it if… well, she’d just rather not think about that right then.
The whistle blew and she was off like a shot. She gathered speed running on the balls of her feet and only slowed after she crossed the finish line. She didn’t even notice she was the first to cross the line until her team was screaming for her. Her elation vanished as she took in the anger and rage on his face as Marcus promised to get even with her.
All the rest of the day and evening, she worried. “What if he grabs some buddies and corners me somewhere and I can’t get any help? What if he follows me home from school and waits until I’m all alone? What if… “
She worried herself right into staying home from school 3 whole days. Her mother could not figure out what in the world was wrong with her: no fever but a continuous headache.
Finally, she told her mom about the race and the threat. Her mom made a couple phone calls and much to her dismay, she found herself at school the next day.
She walked to her locker, hung up her things to the whispers. She sat down and got her things ready for class to start and was glad that the words quieted as the teacher began. She learned that any amount of time spent in the hallway or playground was an opportunity to hear those words that hurt more than any punches thrown.
She also learned to see others who were picked on and began to help them instead of listen to those lies.
That 5^th grade girl grew up to one day have a classroom of her own. She couldn’t quite shake the hurt of the names so her heart was continually soft toward any hurts in her classroom or the playground. She built into her classroom the idea of a family. A family protects each other and doesn’t tear each other down. A family forgives even when hurt. A family is kind when others are not. A family is a safe place.
She later married. Recently, she heard her son scream at his sister some name he made up. The instant she heard it, she could almost hear those 5^th grade names. She looked into their sweet blue eyes and spoke from her scabbed-over hurt that every single person is a special creation God has made. When you call them a name or make-fun of them, you are doing so to their Creator. It is not funny nor is it ever EVER okay to call names. No matter what friend thinks it is funny, do not ever join in making fun of someone else. Stop it, instead. Learn to see someone else’s bad day and encourage them instead of tear them down.
So that “Four-eyed Dog Face” girl is trying to plant seeds of tenderness in her own children… and maybe even open an eye or two by sharing this story on her blog.

Kids, Cracked Pots, and Grace!

3 kids. A completely messy house. Thanksgiving break. AND family coming for the holiday usually equals one horrible day with a mommy losing her cool and only half of the job done.

That was supposed to be Monday.

But Monday was THE best day I've had with my kids in a long long time!

Now, I'm no parenting genius, but I know what works for me.
I dislike cleaning.
A lot.
I only do it because I love what it looks like afterwards!

So... I stacked the deck for myself. :) 

-I prepped their minds for the task as they went to bed the night before.
(Mainly, that PBS wouldn't be on until the job was done.)
-I decided that this could really be fun!
(I didn't dread it with an attitude.)
-I let them stay in jammies.
(who cares what they wear if they're working!)
-I put on upbeat music for dancing purposes!
(They could only dance if they were putting things away :)

It worked!

I should've taken before/after shots of the living room. The dining room table was covered in random bits and pieces from the weekend. Sunday school papers, toys, books, homework folders, backpacks, wii remotes... you get the idea. The living room had landmines of Legos strategically placed for the unassuming foot to find. The kitchen looked like I hadn't had the thought of cleaning it for quite some time. Food/crumbs all over the floor, each counter holding a piece of some meal that was partially cleaned up not to mention piles of dirty dishes - we have 3 sizeable counters... so you do the math. Oh. And the dishwasher was chock-full of clean dishes.

So, with Mandisa, Jamie Grace, and Go Fish pumping through the speakers, we danced and twirled our way to a clean house! Complete with Chloe and Michael asking to vacuum the couches (almost fighting over who gets to do what!). At one point, I almost fainted from the shock of watching Chloe ask Michael if he could get some large thing that couldn't be vacuumed and he obliged without issue! 

It was the greatest day... EVER!  So much so, that I almost forgot about parent/teacher conferences!

Even then, the conferences made for an even better day - more reflective.

Chloe loves to write stories, her vocabulary is enhanced by her love of chapter books, she's using paragraphs when they haven't covered them in class, she's great at math, and has a bestie that her teacher knows better than to seat together. :) I sat there listening, thinking how this little girl is so much like me. And for the first time - I was not beating myself up for my issues but so very proud of her strengths. She's growing and learning! My heart simply overflowed.

Michael's teacher commented how much fun he is to have in class. His huge smile and "willingness to contribute in class" which is to say he loves to talk! He has come so far in the first 3 months of school - reading and learning so much! His teacher  said that when he asks a question he can always count on Michael to have the right answer!! We just chuckled. :) This kid knows so much and loves to share! My heart kept on flowing over...

In case you're thinking this post is a brag on my kids or my parenting, it's not. At all.

Photo courtesy of calm-energy.blogspot.com

This cracked pot has enough cracks that it's obvious it has nothing of its own. It's only (and I mean ONLY) what's God's doing in it. I'm thankful beyond words for the days I described above where things all fall into place, but they can only be appreciated if there are the other "not-so-good" days. You know, the ones when you feel like the worst mother alive... when it's work to believe that there is grace out there for even me.

That's why I can write this.
I'm not boasting. I'm living proof of God's goodness! His grace is big enough for even me! 

Your day may not go so well today, but God's grace is enough for you too. :) Drink deep!

Water Stops

Another Sunday and I am sitting here battling my thoughts and choosing to see the gifts of today – whether or not they are immediately apparent. 

Saturday morning, Jonny was up early and with Mike. He began coughing and his stomach deposited the undigested mucus it’d been saving up with the nasty sinus infection he’s been getting over. This process of coughing and depositing was repeated 3 more times followed each time by a bath. After drinking mostly milk for breakfast, he deposited. I felt my heart and spirit sink… low. I walked away to get the bath going but as the water began to fill the tub, I began to sob and sob. It just couldn’t be bottled up anymore.

Another week.

Another Sunday morning.

Another missed worship service.

Yet another week to feel drained as I go into holiday preparations for our trip. Why?! Why God?  I just wanted to feel refreshed and focused on You. I need You so desperately! I can’t go another week without You! I feel like I’m running a marathon without water stops. No cool refreshment to go back to pounding the pavement anew.

So, as the water poured out, my soul poured out its sorrows to my Father. My Father who is never distracted or too busy for me, my Father who felt compassion for my hurt and counted every tear, my Father who sees me in His image not as I see myself.

He loves me! How He loves me so!

I dried my eyes and walked back to my son who was now calling for me. As I got down on my knees with the bucket and towel to begin the process of cleaning, my thoughts were not of the “Happy To Be a Mom” variety. They were more of the “Really?! Right now?! Why?” variety.  Instantly, I felt a tug and all I’ve read and written about seeing God’s gifts in every moment flooded my mind. So, I asked myself – What can I be thankful for right now? My answer came just that fast… His deposit was made over the linoleum; missing the carpet.  It was as if a plug was pulled, because more things came to mind.

This week, I’m going to trust Him for the water stops. I certainly don’t see how they’re going to happen. But He does. He sees my next “moment” where I will have to choose to see His gifts instead of my problems.

I will drink deep in those moments. Living water for my soul.

The Challenge of Being a Mom

It is an age-old mom challenge: Kids, Colds and Church.

Every year (it seems to get sooner and sooner) October and November begin the predictable cycle of colds and sniffles. You know you can’t encapsulate your child in a germ-free bubble, though the idea does cross your mind every once in awhile. You even know that coming into contact with germs is a necessary to the function of the immune system.

Yet… that mothering/protective instinct comes out of you with force.

So Sunday, you decide to play it “safe” and keep your just-barely-sniffling two-year old home.

That very evening you are hit with the baffling irony… he is sick anyhow. Not only just a sniffly nose, but now he’s up at 11 coughing so hard it sounds like a dog barking. He can’t sleep, he’s tossing and turning and crying. You somehow unearth the Vicks VapoCream with sleep crusted eyes while trying to calm a flailing child.

The cream is a godsend, however, an unfortunate side-effect is that it chills whatever skin it comes in contact with. As he begins to relax and breathe deeply, you realize that your arm (now chilled from the cream) is stuck under his head as he lays next to you. You silently debate with yourself the pros and cons of moving your arm thus waking up the sleeping toddler or having a very cold and now numb arm for an undetermined span of time. The debate ends with you dozing on and off as he moves in his sleep.

Finally, at 12:30 you come to grips with the fact that if you do not move this child back to his bed, your body (and mind, for that matter) will be very upset with you the next morning. Your family and your day require your A-Game - whether you have it or not.

 

So, after he’s sleeping soundly in his bed, you manage to reclaim the last 6 hours of your nights sleep. Your body (and mind) thank you! And… you thank your husband as he gets cereal out for the munchkins and heads off to work.

The rub comes as you launch into your week without the benefit of being with the Body… again.  Not standing with your family of believers and praising God for who He is - nevermind hearing the Word spoken and taught, receiving the challenge and applying it to your own life - you feel like you're close to empty. 

Studying theology for four years, learning how to take the Word apart and see the intricacies of the ancient languages and the understanding and beauty they bring to the text make being content with only having time to read a paragraph or two very difficult. This too shall pass, you know this. It’s just a season and the demands on your time will change.  Still, it’s frustrating to know how to chew steak but have to settle for a granola bar. Both are good for you, but you need a whole lot more time for the one.

Missing church and having to stay home with a sick child added to the demands of a family and you have all the ingredients for a dive into selfishness and ingratitude.  Not to mention self-pity.

You try all sorts of mind tricks (“it could be worse”, “someone else has a much harder life than me”, “it will be better tomorrow”) to keep yourself thinking right, but you find in the end (as all of the previous thoughts go south) that it is only consciously choosing thankfulness at all times that will keep you on the sane side of the highway.

Every single one of us has a story and history. Each one is filled with situations that would be easy to see as terrible and ugly, even to question why God allowed it. Choosing thankfulness would be the equivalent of climbing Mt Everest. Really?! How in the world can I see this as a good thing? Just can’t do it. No way. No how.

But God knows our frame. He knows we are just dust. When we make that heavy choice to look at our past and present circumstances and choose to be grateful, He hears His child loving Him more than the irritation and hurt… more than the pain… more than gloomy feelings… more than herself.

He knows our hearts and even if we are not fully thankful for the things that drive us nuts, He knows we want to please Him. That small choice to be thankful for the setting sun while the children fight over who gets which stool will not escape His notice.

Thankfulness leads to Joy – not happiness – but true Joy in the Creator of the Universe who made me and knows me and loves me still.

When you are thankful, you will find joy blooming where before there was only a desert. 

Will you join me in this?  Look back over your past, see His gracious good gifts in the hard things, and see how He is shaping you in the present daily trials. 

Oh... and by the way.... today this writer is thankful for Vicks VapoRub Cream!

Setting the Thermostat

Rest. Stillness. Quiet.
Those are typically not words that describe a home with a 6, 4, and 2 year old.

I've heard it said that a mom can be either the thermostat or the thermometer of the home. She can either set the temperature or react to the temperature of the home.

I want to be the thermostat not the thermometer. More often than not, however, I'm the thermometer - reacting; feeling the temperature sliding toward harried, frustrated, and irritable. Hungry kids, toy clutter and lateness in starting dinner all add up to... well... not nice things. 

I want to be the temp-setter. I want to set the temperature of our home to quiet, peaceful, and restful. Beginning dinner when I should, giving a fresh fruit snack to stave off the "hungry monster", and playing with the kids while helping to put toys away will contribute to a temperature of quiet, peaceful welcome to a daddy who has worked hard all day long.

The rub comes when I've had "a day" and dinner is not begun and the kids are hungry and not cooperating. That is when it is most difficult to make the choice to be a temp-setter not a reactor melting down. I haven't figured out a magic solution to this yet, but I do know that staying in the Word is critical to my flashpoint. Thinking about scripture, praying for those who God brings to mind, turning my irritations into gratitude, and praising Him for even the interruptions. These things are not a magic solution, but they turn my thoughts away from Me, My, and Mine to see His, Him, and all He is.

I cannot be about Me and about Him at the same time.

I'm sitting here at the Zeeland Recreation Center writing while Michael is in gymnastics and Chloe is in ballet. My time of solitude with no interruptions is quickly coming to a close. Each week, I look forward to this time to think and evaluate. This week, I'm pretty sure my grade would be in the D-F range regarding being a temp-setter.

My goal this week, with God's help, is to turn every part of me to be about His, Him, and who He is.
Join me? :)