The Every Day V-Day

It's 4pm and I'm well aware that within 10 minutes the quiet in the house will be replaced with jostling story-telling children leaving wet boots, snowpants and all manner of miscellaneous accoutrements all over the used-to-be-clean mud room floor. They will be competing with each other to tell me the latest and most amazing parts of their day (or tattling on each other) and in doing so, I guarantee that a fist-fight will almost break out in their haste to beat the other to the best parts of their day.

I know this will happen. It always does - in a Groundhog Day sort of way. No matter how many times I sit them each down and give them separate time to talk to me, they feel they've got to push their way to the front and be first. 

So the best part of my day comes when I see my tall man fill the back entry. The cavalry has arrived! He wraps me in his giant hug and I'm taken back to our 3 months of dating. He gave me a hug every time he came to pick me up to bring me back to Michigan. His soft flannel shirts and his musky deodorant and Dove soap combined to sear my memory with the smell of "home". He is and will always be my home. Even though, I'm physically standing in our house with our three little people clamoring for our attention (at that very second trying to push us apart as we stand together)... I am satisfied knowing my best friend is with me so I am home. 

With tomorrow being V-day, this love and marriage stuff is on my mind. I've come to the conclusion that Valentine's Day is quite honestly a horrible day. I know, I know, I can almost see your fist full of candy hearts ready to toss at me... but hear me out. 

It sets up husbands with unrealistic expectations. Then it gives wives a rotten rollercoaster ride. Is he gonna remember what day it is?? Maybe! Maybe he's got a secret getaway planned for us!! Then she tells herself that whatever happens will be fine. But she knows it really won't be. On the flip side for the hubbys, it almost gives them a get-out-of-jail-free card. If they can nail a seriously romantic Valentine's Day, they've got brownie points saved up for a rainy day. Who cares about doing the stuff around the house she needs done every day: help with homework while she gets dinner ready, connect and listen to the kids when a game is on, wrestle with those crazy balls of energy when the Xbox is calling his name... why bother?! "She's good because I took her out and wow'd her."

The Every Day Valentine's Day is completely lost with that kind of idea and obligatory compulsion we place on our men. 

What is the Every Day V-day, you ask?! Let me tell you! 

It's the man who puts in a couple loads of laundry just because. He makes sure my van has good safe tires and is properly maintained. He even cleans a toilet or two. He takes care of his mom by starting her car just before she leaves so she can get in a warm vehicle. He bathes the three dirty monsters while I finish cleaning up after dinner. He always finishes whatever project/work stuff he's got going by 9pm so we can sit together and talk. That same man will give a "hog back ride" to all who wish one on their way to bed. (We don't have a piggy in our house; we have a hog. When Jonny was little, he'd stand at the top of the stairs and holler "Hey HOG!" so he could get his ride!)  He makes the best coffee every. blessed. morning! He listens to me. Even when I don't make sense. He encourages me to enjoy the moment and laugh in the crazy. He prays with each child every night and tells them a story or sings them a silly song from his imagination. He makes sure my debit card has enough for our needs. He gets excited over my good deals. It is the simple. The daily. 

As all marriages can attest, sometimes it doesn't 'feel' romantic and all that jazz. But it's not just candlelight and roses and quiet dinners that rates (or should rate) on the romantic scale but doing life together... diapers, laundry, work, frustrations, kids, family, love, honesty. That's true romance. 

It's hard work to be intentional; not allowing electronics and time to creep up on you but creating that space for talk. Date nights out don't happen every month like I would prefer, but we have time every single night that we sit together and talk. We talk about life outside of kids and we talk about kids: Can you believe the House raised the debt ceiling?! Did I tell you what Jonny said?? (He was frustrated with something and said,"oBAMA!" Then looked up at me and said, "That's a bad word isn't it, Mommy?" He thinks anything you say in frustration is a bad word. By that point, I was laughing so hard!!!!) Crazy what damage a sinkhole can do when it's under the National Corvette Museum! What IS Billy Ray Cyrus thinking bringing back that insane song Miley style?! Yeesh! I tell him about the Common Core curriculum and Matt Walsh's blog... and all the crazy FB thread comments and we land with thankfulness for our wonderful ZPS and West Michigan bubble. 

Sometimes it is simply laughing; inside jokes and sideways glances and even body noises! He has always said you have to be able to laugh when your spouse lets one rip. :) At dinner, it starts with one of the kids (usually Jonny the Ham) doing/saying something bizarre and then I find myself laughing. They keep laughing so I laugh harder until it's just one big Laugh Fest! Laughter truly keeps balance in the middle of a dinner with particular palates and a frustrated cook. 

One of my favorite things in the whole world is looking across the table at my best friend and catching his eye knowing we're in this together. Absolutely nothing beats it! No romantic weekend (however nice) beats out the day to day shoulder-to-shoulder blood sweat and tears of life together. We have each other's back and that's a good start to our future. 

So, let's take Valentine's Day off *our* calendar and remember the Every Day V-day. :) 

It's better for your marriage! 

What I've learned about Valentine's Day

It is about expectations. Good and bad. If you’re expecting a spa day and a romantic getaway just the two of you and instead you get a card, then you’ll be down in the dumps until your brain disconnects from your hormones.

This used to be my routine each year. I’d have all these “hopes” that he would do for me – and be dashed to the rocks when he didn’t come through. But what I failed to realize then was all the little things he does everyday for me.

Little things like: driving my van to make sure its got gas and running well, making breakfast for dinner when I’m tired of cooking, putting the kids to bed after a stressful mommy day, sitting and talking with me after the kids go to bed, bust-a-gut-laughing as we watch Bones together, taking care of me and making sure I stay off my knee while it heals, doing laundry and putting it away, tidying the toys, washing the kitchen floor on his hands and knees, reading to the kids, Special Story Time (family devos), rubbing my feet…and the best one… his example to our little girl and little boys.

Case in point:  Dinnertime was approaching so Mike asked Michael to get his sister from her friend’s house. He hops on his bike and rides like the wind. Sitting on the couch, I have a perfect view of them returning. Michael rides a few yards then stops and waits for her. The rollerskates she originally thought were a great idea now are not as she has to stop and rest from the exertion it takes to rollerskate on winter roads with gravel/dirt deposits from the plow. He continually rides up a little ways and stops for her. They are on the homestretch when I see her put her hands on her hips and give him a little lecture. I can only imagine what she’s saying. So Michael just rides on home and comes inside. A few minutes later, he whirls back around and races out to the road. Mike and I look at each other and then out the front window. We see him ride out to her and ride with her the few extra yards it takes her to get to the driveway.

As Mike’s making pancakes, Michael commences to tell him how it’s the boys job to protect girls. Mike agrees but Chloe begins to protest. She insists that she is bigger than Michael and does not under any circumstances need his help. I tell her that she may be bigger now, but someday her brother will be bigger than her and she’ll be so thankful for him watching out for her. Michael continues. “Daddy, boys have to make sure to keep the bad guys away from the girls.”  By this point, we’re shaking and trying not to laugh out loud!

I sat there enjoying the moment and savoring the fact that we did not sit him down and lecture him on what boys should and should not do. He learned all this simply by watching the way his daddy treated me. That is the best Valentine my man could’ve ever given me! 

Now that same little boy thinks of special things he can do for me. Sunday he brought me breakfast in bed. Well, almost breakfast in bed. He’d gotten the tray out, the bowl down, cereal and milk poured. He’d carried it to our bedroom… but the bowl began to slide toward him and sloshed milk all over the tray, him and the carpet. He was so disappointed that it didn’t work. I cuddled him and reminded him that I loved that he thought to do it.

I love that my little man has begun to try to step in his daddy’s shoes. He’ll become a great man! He has an amazing example.

My tall handsome man is not the roses and candlelight dinner type, and I’m okay with that. He shows his love to me in a thousand ways every single day of the year. One day matters, but the rest of the year matters more.

Happy Valentine’s Day to my wonderful thoughtful amazing playful godly husband! I love you!