Facebook, Bubble Wrap and Some Gut Honesty

Facebook. I never dreamed it would become such a crutch in my life.

It can be so useful and helpful... keeping in touch with dormmates and roommates (not to mention extended family) across the globe. Who is getting married... who is having a baby... who is trudging through a rough time... what God is doing... a funny from a little boy... praying for those weeping over a loss... a little girl and her pretty dress... all of these are amazing effects of an amazing bit of technology.

But how did it come to replace true friendships.

I find myself feeling the ache. Missing the camaraderie of a phone call... hearing the person's voice. I now have to settle for seeing words on a screen.

Gut honesty? I compulsively check who liked my status, feeling better about my day the more people there are. Silly, huh? Yeah and slightly pathetic.

I don't want to sound needy. No one really wants a friend long term who sucks the life right out of you with complaints and "tears on the shoulder" all the time. A friend listens and asks and doesn't thoughtlessly pour out, but what do you do when you feel like the seams that hold you together just won't take one more day of stuffing it all in.

I have fought the looping tape in my head that says I'm just not worth friendship and tried to count gifts in the ugly moments. Snowflakes swirling outside when the kids are swirling inside on a snow day. The giggle of a little boy, tickling his tummy, cradling him as his eyes close... even when nothing (absolutely nothing) got checked off on my list.

I want to believe that I'm okay with who I am and what I do everyday, but that horrid four letter word aims for my heart, FAIL, it labels me. Over and over.

I fight that too. I used to believe it because it seemed logical, but once I began to recite the Truth over and over - I could see it for what it was: a lie. Failing is something that I do. Sometimes. It is not who I am.

The Truth? I am loved. I am made new. My ugly old self who loves to control is gone and He has given me grace. I deserved none of it! That's why it's Grace. 

If I could, I would bubble wrap my heart with grace so I would never forget what it feels like and how God sees me. Completely covered in His perfection.

My crazy children don't allow me to simply be still and reflect often but that's what I must do all the time - somehow.

I have to see grace covering every little thing... even the ugly. Even Facebook. It is grace to me. But it is not a substitute for "feeling good about myself" in other people's eyes.

The only Person who I must see myself through is Jesus.

The culmination of this begs one very important question: Whatcha gon do 'bout it?

The last few weeks, I've tossed around an idea that will help my heart see and feel the grace that I know is there. It may seem legalistic to some but that's okay. :)  I know God is asking this of me.

I will spend time looking through His eyes first before I spend any time seeing through anyone else's. No Facebook (or Pintrest or anything else) until I sit myself down at His feet and am reminded of who I am: a daughter of the King of Kings covered in His rich robes of grace.

As I put one foot forward in this dance, thank you for this little space and for honesty. :)

Kids, Cracked Pots, and Grace!

3 kids. A completely messy house. Thanksgiving break. AND family coming for the holiday usually equals one horrible day with a mommy losing her cool and only half of the job done.

That was supposed to be Monday.

But Monday was THE best day I've had with my kids in a long long time!

Now, I'm no parenting genius, but I know what works for me.
I dislike cleaning.
A lot.
I only do it because I love what it looks like afterwards!

So... I stacked the deck for myself. :) 

-I prepped their minds for the task as they went to bed the night before.
(Mainly, that PBS wouldn't be on until the job was done.)
-I decided that this could really be fun!
(I didn't dread it with an attitude.)
-I let them stay in jammies.
(who cares what they wear if they're working!)
-I put on upbeat music for dancing purposes!
(They could only dance if they were putting things away :)

It worked!

I should've taken before/after shots of the living room. The dining room table was covered in random bits and pieces from the weekend. Sunday school papers, toys, books, homework folders, backpacks, wii remotes... you get the idea. The living room had landmines of Legos strategically placed for the unassuming foot to find. The kitchen looked like I hadn't had the thought of cleaning it for quite some time. Food/crumbs all over the floor, each counter holding a piece of some meal that was partially cleaned up not to mention piles of dirty dishes - we have 3 sizeable counters... so you do the math. Oh. And the dishwasher was chock-full of clean dishes.

So, with Mandisa, Jamie Grace, and Go Fish pumping through the speakers, we danced and twirled our way to a clean house! Complete with Chloe and Michael asking to vacuum the couches (almost fighting over who gets to do what!). At one point, I almost fainted from the shock of watching Chloe ask Michael if he could get some large thing that couldn't be vacuumed and he obliged without issue! 

It was the greatest day... EVER!  So much so, that I almost forgot about parent/teacher conferences!

Even then, the conferences made for an even better day - more reflective.

Chloe loves to write stories, her vocabulary is enhanced by her love of chapter books, she's using paragraphs when they haven't covered them in class, she's great at math, and has a bestie that her teacher knows better than to seat together. :) I sat there listening, thinking how this little girl is so much like me. And for the first time - I was not beating myself up for my issues but so very proud of her strengths. She's growing and learning! My heart simply overflowed.

Michael's teacher commented how much fun he is to have in class. His huge smile and "willingness to contribute in class" which is to say he loves to talk! He has come so far in the first 3 months of school - reading and learning so much! His teacher  said that when he asks a question he can always count on Michael to have the right answer!! We just chuckled. :) This kid knows so much and loves to share! My heart kept on flowing over...

In case you're thinking this post is a brag on my kids or my parenting, it's not. At all.

Photo courtesy of calm-energy.blogspot.com

This cracked pot has enough cracks that it's obvious it has nothing of its own. It's only (and I mean ONLY) what's God's doing in it. I'm thankful beyond words for the days I described above where things all fall into place, but they can only be appreciated if there are the other "not-so-good" days. You know, the ones when you feel like the worst mother alive... when it's work to believe that there is grace out there for even me.

That's why I can write this.
I'm not boasting. I'm living proof of God's goodness! His grace is big enough for even me! 

Your day may not go so well today, but God's grace is enough for you too. :) Drink deep!

Holes, The Body, and Grace

Have you ever broken, sprained or otherwise incapacitated a part of yourself?

I am currently in round 2 of "Sprain of the LCL", and I have to tell you that the timing couldn't be worse. School is less than a week away. School Open Houses/Meet the Teacher are going on now. Tomatoes need to made into either salsa or sauce. Then there's the normal run-of-the-mill day-to-day stuff like: laundry, tidying, meals, toys, etc...

My superman husband deserves the "Husband of the Year" award!! He has been doing laundry, helping the kids, making meals, AND all the little errands too. :) Even when he had to go on a work trip, he found a place for the kids and got them ready. :) (Grandparents are amazing!)

So, here I sit... on my keister. There's only so much you can do. I've read an entire book, updated this blog, filed papers, dealt with insurance EOBs, looked up great sites for writers, dug around on Pintrest, changed a few diapers, played Super Mario Bros (at the request of my children), watched a movie or two... :) but I'm really MISSING the simple act of walking unassisted. Unlike last Friday, I now can hobble around the house using one crutch. It's getting better slowly but surely... but it's so easy to overdo it.

Missing the function of a part of the body... hmmm. I felt that in ministry.

Holes. When people don't use their gifts and function in their God-given role, a hole is created and felt by the rest of the Body. Overcompensation occurs when others try to make up for the lack but end up overdoing it and burning out.

It's a hard place to be as a fellow Body part, but even more so as a functional leader. The one thing I learned in my short foray into this thing called ministry is that even though it's not pretty, holes must be felt or no one sees the needs. If I simply cover and compensate for the missing gift, I end up expanding my role without meaning to and the rest of the Body believes everything is well in hand. Not to mention that I deprive someone else of the joy of serving. Bad plan. Trust me.

Perfection is not ministry. Ministry is people and people are not perfect. We must strive for excellence but that is not our idol - our "gotta look like or else" goal. We are first and foremost the Body of Christ. We must function as such. Grace and Truth work together and find balance. When in doubt, err on grace - you'll be glad you did. And - while you work within the Body, you'll need a lot of it!

As for my body? It's healing slowly and returning to it's previous strength, but what about The Body?

Are there holes in your local Body?
Are you a part of your local Body?
Do you think that everything runs so smoothly they don't need you?

Betcha if you ask - they'll tell you all the holes that you could possibly fill. :)

I dare ya! Go fill a hole! You'll be glad you did. :)

Happy Mother's Day!

It’s done! With God’s help, I did it!

I stood in front of a room of women and shared my struggles being my strong-willed daughter’s mother.

I almost didn’t do it.  I almost canceled.

I figured it’s rather hypocritical to stand and deliver a message that you screw up a hundred times a day. Not to mention the fact that God holds me accountable for what I know… yeah. It’s more than a little scary.

But God is gracious and I danced. He took this cracked pot and used it to show His goodness!!

So, today, I remember and love and see beyond her actions and my agenda to see God’s gifts in the moment. 

Here’s a link to Ann’s DIY project…  Take a bit of time for you!

Happy Mother's Day - You wonderful Women!